WRITING GOAL = 1k. Sun +230. Mon @200. Tues sick day. Total so far 430.
Memoir = 1K. No progress.
BLOG = Post x3. ROW80x2 yes. Insecure Writer's Study Groupx1 yes.
READ BLOGS x5. No progress.
CRIT Novels_L. No progress.
Type Allen's St. Remy. No progress.
Exercise x4. No progress.
Quilt x4. x2 so far.
Study Spanish. x3 so far.
WRITING CHALLENGE THIS WEEK: Decided to switch my story from third person to first person for more immediacy. Which version is more appealing?
Sandra (and the tapestry) have been kidnapped. She wakes up in a storage room in a large warehouse in East Edinburgh. Opening scene:
THIRD PERSON:
Sandra opened her eyes slowly to total darkness. She blinked but could see nothing. Where am I? Who were those men? The back of her head throbbed, and something tickled her hand. A spider. She jerked her hand to brush it off, but both hands moved. They had been tied together in front of her.
She squinted in the dark and tried to sit up. She bumped against something. The tapestry? It had been rolled-up and propped against a wall. She shivered, tried to stand, and then paced off the dimensions of the room. Twenty steps by twenty steps and bloody cold. Where am I? Sandra used her hands to feel for a door. She found an immense door; its iron handle wouldn’t move. No surprise there. It’s cold, dark, I can’t see, and I’m hungry. She settled on the floor and leaned against the tapestry. Well, somebody has to come some time.
FIRST PERSON:
The concrete flooring was cold. I pushed myself against the wall and tried to stand up and stumbled over something that had been rolled up and propped against the wall. The tapestry? My feet hadn’t been bound, so I stood up and paced the length and width of the room. Twenty steps by twenty steps and bloody cold. I giggled, the sound a surprise in the dark. I felt along the wall for a door. Nothing until I found an immense iron handle. Would it open? I couldn’t move it. Locked. It’s cold. I can’t see, and I’m hungry. What else could go wrong? I felt along the wall until I found the tapestry again and slid down to lean against it. After a long time, I closed my eyes. What happened to Neil?
ROW80: May you have a great week. Click to visit ROW80 HERE on our blog or over on Facebook to catch up on what others are doing. Stay healthy!
Love that picture, this is how I feel everytime I get a cold. ��
ReplyDeleteAs for the excerpt, I prefer the amount of details in the first-person version but I feel you could rewrite it in the third person with internal focalisation. Not sure I'm helping but I always feel a first-person narrative has to be that way for a reason, as it only gives a limited access to information. Would Sandra be the sole narrator?
Thank you, Rui, for visiting and commenting. Is Sandra the sole narrator? I'm still struggling with that question. Perhaps yes. I've gotten comments that the other characters (being Scottish) don't have the same authentic ring to their dialogue. I can do some research, but as Sandra is from San Francisco, that North American dialogue is more comfortable for me. I'll keep working on this and appreciate all these comments about pov very much.
DeleteGood start to your round.
ReplyDeleteBoth versions are interesting but the 1st person seems more detailed. If you prefer 3rd person, you can try a deep POV instead.
Good luck!
Thank you, Lila, for your comments. Yes, first person is my first choice, but as I'm at the drafting stage, perhaps I'll return to that tricky third person.
DeleteA few days progress... it's not a lot but it's a few days. Well done.
ReplyDeleteAs for the snippets... I feel you put more energy and thought into your 1st person POV (there are more details included, though some felt odd, such as her reaching up with both hands tied to feel the lump on her head). As Rui notes, 1st person can work well if there are no other POV characters. (Beware of I-sore though)
Deep Third works really well too, and it can allow for flexible POV changes. As long as we can connect with our MC(s)...
Thank you, Eden, for your helpful comments. Right now, with stuffed nose and no real writing time, I feel conflicted. POV is complicated! For now, I will work with first person, and I'll try to fix that awkward moment that Sandra tries to check out that head bump. And I'll research more on 'deep POV'. And, yes, those details you mention seemed to come along more easily in first person!
DeleteI didn't mean to say that 1st person was better, more that you seemed to connect (as the author) to the 1st person POV and thus added more details than you normally would in 3rd.
DeleteDeep 3rd POV offers a similar effect to 1st person while allowing one to switch POV characters on occasion. It's harder to write, but has some serious advantages (doesn't everything? ;-) )
It doesn't matter too much at this point. Get the draft done and then consider how the story unfolds before you chose a POV. You can redraft/rewrite in a different one if the story requires it pretty easily.
I loved the first person POV, Beth. It seems like you felt your way into her much more wholly, where, in thrid, you were clearly the narrator.
ReplyDeleteBut take that with a grain of salt, since I often write in first person present tense.
If you have multiple POV characters, you could write Sandra in First Person, and others in third, which would give you the freedom to zoom in or out and share information she doesn't have, if need be.
I'm sorry you had a sick day in there, but happy you're laying groundwork that will frame your story.
Thank you, Shan. Yes, I was amazed at how much more sensory detail came out as I wrote in first person. I'm reading about POV as well. I may not be quite brave enough to write Sandra in first person and other characters in third person, but I will persevere!
DeleteI quite like the third person excerpt more. As others have mentioned a deep POV in third might be an excellent combination of the two.
ReplyDelete